Dude, I am FREAKING OUT

If you look at me right now, you would think that I am just sitting here, chillin'.
But I'm not. I'm freaking out on the inside. There's so much I have to do!! When did I become such a bad procrastinator? I don't know... I have two response papers due Tuesday, a 5-page politics paper due on Wednesday, a big 10-minute law presentation to give on Wednesday, and a 7 to 15 page paper on the same topic as the presentation due two Wednesdays from now, not to mention that finals week is next week and I am FREAKING OUT, MAN!!! I've fallen so far behind in my studies, I'm not sure if I'll be able to pass any of my classes. The thing is, I feel the weight of everything pushing down on me, but I've become such a bad procrastinator, that I can't bring myself to do anything. I mean, I've started on one of my response papers, but that's IT. Seriously. I need to stop messing around and get the ball rolling if I want to have at least semi-acceptable grades so that I can transfer schools (not universities) for sophomore year. Okay. I've decided... The Internet is only my friend when it comes to research. Since I've decided that I am going to do my two response papers and finish them before going to sleep tonight, I'm going to disconnect my ethernet cable and go sit on my bed so that I can attempt to get something done. I'll update if it goes well.

.

I am seriously freaking out right now.
I'm not sure what started it, but out of nowhere, I decide that I really don't like the way my future looks with the way things are going. Now, this has nothing to do with Richie, we're cool. This is about me, and what I'm going to do for a living. I don't know why, but I've REALLY been slacking off when it comes to coursework and I just can't bring myself to do much of the work. I'd rather just waste my time on the Internet. Maybe I feel guilty for leaving Richie behind, because I've made it so that I'm basically miserable at all times unless I'm talking to him. When I'm on the phone with him, I'm the happiest I could ever be. But the rest of the time I'm wasting my life on the Internet. Even when I should be in class, I'm either at my computer or sleeping. This is a very self-destructive and unhealthy pattern that I've fallen into, and I want to break it, but it's hard. I've been trying to break it for the past month, but it's getting worse. I thought that maybe it's because I'm not pursuing my dreams of becoming an actress. I mean, I'm here to study freaking JOURNALISM. I figure I can get on TV and then break into acting from there. But it's not a direct path. I don't like it. I don't like this coursework. I don't like that I have no money. I don't like that I'm in debt and I don't know if I'll be able to handle paying it off when I'm done with school. I don't like that I don't have very many friends here. I don't like that I don't play music anymore. I don't like that I don't get out much at all, because I always find some excuse to just stay in my room, at my computer. I avoid human interaction. I want it, I crave it, I wish for it, I long for it, but I can't really bring myself to do it because even if I'm doing absolutely NOTHING AT ALL online, I'd rather stay there than go out and talk to somebody. Or go outside, even. I don't really do that anymore, mostly just to eat when Hayden's closed. I would say that I leave to go to class, but that's a rare occurrence now. I went to ONE class this week. ONE class, out of the TEN classes I was supposed to attend. I'm spiralling downward and it's hard to stop. I thought maybe it's because I'm in the wrong major. So I looked into getting a transfer, but you know what? All the schools to which I would like to transfer won't take me due to the low GPA I'll have this semester, because I haven't been doing my work, because I've been spending time online, because I don't care about my classes, because they're not what I want to study and they won't get me where I REALLY want to go in life and I'd rather study a major that WILL get me where I want to go, but I would have to transfer to a different school... It's a vicious cycle. I'll do my best attempt to change my current situation and do all in my power to break the cycle, but I'm not sure if I'm strong enough. I wish I could talk to my boyfriend right now, but I'm sure he's asleep or something, and I don't want to screw up his health just because I'm having a little breakdown. Besides, he's got his own problems to deal with. And that's another one of my flaws: I never want to inconvenience people, even if it's a matter of my own safety. Because everyone else is more important than I am. I was even like this when I was the straight-A, first chair flute player that everyone had to listen to. So what's it like now that I am in this lowest of all places? I know that it could be MUCH worse, but instead of trying to change things... I feel that I would just let it hit rock bottom...

Also, I would've called the Wellness Exchange (they have a 24 hour hotline for this kind of stuff), but I'm the kind of person who NEVER likes to ask for help. That's something I need to work on.

If you're cool, you'll watch this.

Andrew...♥

=]

Live Election Results!

Courtesy of MSNBC.com

Jesus FUCK

My boyfriend pisses me off when he goes off on his holier-than-thou right-wing bullshit.

Now, I seriously don't have anything against conservatives...
But this joker just gave me one of those satirical radically right-wing Obama-bashing quotes and tried to pass it off as if it were actually true! Worst part is that he actually believed it was real.

The ignorance of some people these days is just really unsettling.

Go See This Movie!!!

Repo! The Genetic Opera

I just saw this movie at a free screening presented by my university's program board and since I am a total nerd, I already knew some of the songs and was one of the people whom Darren (yes, he was there) encouraged to sing as loud as possible along with the characters in the film.

Right from the beginning, you can tell that this is not going to be like any other movie that you've seen before. As Darren said during his Q&A session after the screening, this was more of a passion project for him as he is trying to do things outside of the horror genre now.

The point was to make a weird movie with a "wtf?" cast, which is exactly what I feel has been accomplished here.

Due to the lack of a marketing budget, it is up to the fans to spread the word, which is exactly what we were all told to do: talk about the movie, whether you liked it or absolutely hated it, as long as word about it got around.

I was even the only one fortunate enough to get a personalized message on my poster when Darren signed it, "go on imdb!" Look what I did. I'm finally actually putting my account on here to good use.

It's so worth it. =]

Opening November 7th in 8 theaters around the US:

Los Angeles, CA
Sunset 5
8000 Sunset Blvd.
West Hollywood, CA 90046
323-848-3500

Pasadena, CA
Playhouse 7
873 East Colorado Blvd.
Pasadena, CA 91101
626-844-6500

San Francisco, CA
Lumiere Theatre
1572 California St. at Polk
San Francisco, CA 94109
415-268-4893

Berkeley, CA
Elmwood Theatre
2966 College Ave. at Ashby
Berkeley, CA 94705
510-433-9730

Las Vegas, NV
The Palms Casino
4321 W. Flamingo Rd.
Las Vegas, NV 89103
702-507-1525

Austin, TX
The Alamo Drafthouse
1120 South Lamar Blvd.
Austin, TX 78704
512-707-8262

New York, NY
The Angelika
18 West Houston St. @ Mercer St.
New York, NY 10012
212-995-2000

Minneapolis, MN
Landmark Lagoon Cinema
1320 Lagoon Ave.
Minneapolis, MN 55408
612-825-6006

Repo Road Tour
Log onto www.reporoadtour.com to purchase tickets

Monday Nov 10th 10:00pm
Portland, Oregon
The Clinton Street Theatre
2522 SE. Clinton St.
Portland, OR 97202

Tuesday Nov 11th 10:00pm
Seattle, Washington
The Admiral Theatre
2343 California Ave.
Seattle, WA 98116

WEdnesday, Nov 12th 10:30pm
Chicago, Illinois
The Music Box Theatre
3733 N. Southport Ave.
Chicago, IL 60613

Thursday, Nov 13th 9:00pm
Kansas City, Kansas
Glenwood Arts
95th and Metcalf
Overland Park, Kansas

Friday, Nov 14th 10:00pm
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Regent Square Theatre
1035 South Braddock AVe.
Pittsburgh, PA 15218

Saturday, Nov 15th 10:00pm
Atlanta, Georgia
Plaza Theatre
1049 Ponce De Leon Ave.
Atlanta, GA 30306

Sunday, Nov 16th 10:00pm
Orlando, Florida
The Enzian
1300 South Orlando Ave.
Maitland, FL 32751

Andrew Volpe got me sick.

I'm totally convinced of it.

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I had a feeling that kazoo was connected to my case of the sniffles.
Good thing I got a flu shot already. =]

The pic at 1:02.
Front and center. =]

So Sweet, and So Sad...

Part I: Broken Bride

Fifteen years I raged against the constant C, the speed of light
the diagrams and haunted sleep, frozen sheets, in bed, my dreams
your garden grave, I'd climb inside, hold your bones and slowly die
the cooling space inside your chest, my broken bride, you never breated again.
Circuits fail, the cosmic strings like rubber bands, I lose control
they snap, I fall through mist to mud against my face, the taste of blood
the world is strange, the stinking earth and giant trees
through heavy air a demon shrieks, what have I done, what hell is waiting
for me?

I crashed before the birth of Christ
Pterodactyls swarming
You died in 1989
Just wanna get back to that morning in may
Keep you in bed, never escape
Holding you close, oh oh oh-oh-oh
Listen to you breathe the evening glow
of fading light and cooling space.

Like motor oil down my throat, I couldn't speak, I dropped the phone
the burning flares, the steam, your hair, bits of glass, they sparkled everywhere
like winter nights, the stars, the ice, all intertwined to hold and keep
like petals pressed in sheets, making love to moonlight in our sleep
And now above the pits of tar, in a cave I hide
that massive, screaming thing with wings of reaper's cloth, it's standing
just outside
I must get to my machine, I will bring you back to life
fix your ruined lungs, I'll undo what Time has done!

I crashed before the birth of Christ
Pterodactyls swarming
You died in 1989
Just wanna get back to that morning in May
Keep you in bed, never escape
Holding you close, oh oh oh-oh-oh
Listen to you breathe the evening glow
of fading light and cooling space.

I carve your sweet name into the cave, I'm sure to die
All my strife has been in vain, the glaciers come and wash my words away.

I crashed before the birth of Christ
Pterodactyls swarming
You died in 1989
Just wanna get back to that morning in May
Keep you in bed, never escape
Holding you close, oh oh oh-oh-oh
Listen to you breathe the evening glow
of fading light and cooling space.

Save Our City

"Mr. Mayor, the mission burns
the zombies are marching, they close on the square
Families are cold, look down at their souls
huddled in camps on the old marble steps of City Hall
Faith in their God, that's all that they've got."
Across the room, beyond the pane
the whole world is churning, bleeding and burning
hailstorms and ash.
The moon is as blood
over the soldiers who sag in the mud.

Save our city
Keep our souls, Lord
through the rapture of this world.

"Little boy, I'm just a man
a mere civil servant, against this tyrant God
I've allied with our King, salvation he brings protecting the city against all the troops Heaven sent
but the dead walk again, this is the end.
Oh I'm just a man, my time has come
Long live King Simius! May he deliver us
from this nightmare!"
And with a blast like the sun
his lips are unwrapped from the barrel of his gun.

Save our city
Keep our souls, Lord
through the rapture
of this world.

Fought and fell for our great king We burned alive and boiled
The dragon, red an wrathful, calls
We rise and march once more.
Cursed in death, we starve for flesh
Our skin is cooked and curled
We'll eat our kin and smash them in
In Hell, we'll grind their bones.

Save our city
Keep our souls, Lord
through the rapture of this world.

Save our city
Keep our souls, Lord God
through the rapture of this world.

Save our city
(Fought and fell for our great king)
Keep our souls, Lord God
(We burned alive and boiled)
through [the mayor's ruined head, the boy steps through the window] the rapture
(The dragon, red and wrathful calls)
of this world. [and cries out from the ledge to the people below.]
(We rise and march once more.)

Save our city [There's a time to pray and there's a time to fight]
(Cursed in death, we starve for flesh)
Keep our souls, Lord God [Anything can be a weapon if you're holding it right]
(Our skin is cooked and curled)
through the rapture [Defend what is yours, they will not take our souls]
(We'll eat our kin and smash them in)
and so we [it's time now to] (From Hell we)
rise and fight!

Save our city!
Keep our souls, Lord!
Rise now and fight!

Part II: Tonight's the Night

Oh baby, baby, how I lost my mind
Time is quite the killer when you're left behind
The airbag held you 'til the engine slept
At home your pillow cooled while the willows wept.

They come and go, love(come and go, but they, but they)
But they're all the same (D-da, d-da, da da, da da)
Even big, bad bad-boys get scared at night
It keeps them safe. (At home baby)
I'm gonna throw this rock down (Gonna throw it down, let it roll)
Tonight's the night (Tonight)
I'm gonna go out, fire it up, honey (I'm gonna lose 'em when I)
Gonna turn back time.

Remember in the summer when I held your hand
on the southern shore, finding fossils in the sand
Oh baby, maybe someday you will find me
on that beach beside you again.

They come and go, love (Come and go, but they,but they)
But they're all the same (d-da, d-da, da da, da da)
Even big, bad bad-boys get scared at night
It keeps them safe. (At home baby)
I'm gonna throw this rock down (Gonna throw it down, let it roll)
Tonight's the night (tonight)
I'm gonna go out, fire it up, honey (I'm gonna lose 'em when I)
Gonna turn back time.

Here we go!

They come and go, love (Come and go, but they, but they)
but they're all the same (D-da, d-da, da da, da da)
Even big, bad bad-boys get scared at night
It keeps them safe.
(At home baby)
I'm gonna throw this rock down (Gonna throw it down, let it roll)
Tonight's the night (Tonight)
I'm gonna go out, fire it up, honey (I'm gonna lose 'em when I)
Gonna turn back time.

I'm gonna save your life.

Part III: The Lamb and the Dragon

So rapid the raptors, as courses they came
all the scratching and screaming, I barely escaped
while the fuel cells they drained far too fast, I am dragged
like worms on a hook through the hole to the
blackness beyond
at the end of days, where the world bleeds and burns.

The sun is black as sackcloth made of hair
The stars have fallen to the Earth, mountains tearing
from the ground
Look at these people hiding from the red raindrops
while earthquakes shake the broken timber of this
burning town.
There's poison in the water, the ocean's blood that's turned
to slime and gotten hard
All the fish and whales are corpses on the scab
In the darkness soldiers gnaw their tongues in pain, you see
So help me God, at the end of time they're screaming on their knees!
Oh let them die! Oh let them die!

"The wrath of the Lamb!" the martyrs cry
"Break the seven seals, let the horsemen ride!"
The soldiers bear the royal crest and scream into the sky
"He will come! He will come! The Dragon's on the rise!"

"The King survived though this throat was cut, they say he's the chosen one
he leads our men from Babylon, the rebellion's worldly son
Against the Tyrant, we have joined with him as soldiers."
he tells me this while he shakes a bit - he's staring at his gun.
The painful stings of flying things have worn away his flesh and popped
his eyes
At the blackness, he lashes out and cries:
"You cowards and your wrathful God will see what power means
when the Dragon comes - His will be done - in the fires you'll be cleaned!
Oh let him rise!
Oh let him rise!"

"The wrath of the Lamb!" the martyrs cry
"Break the seven seals, let the horsemen ride!"
The soldiers bear the royal crest and scream into the sky
"he will come! He will come! The Dragon's on the rise!"

I watch these people fall
The dragon shrieks and burns it all
I flip the circuits on, I've got dragons of my own
The portal glows and my machine's destroyed.

"The Traveler has saved their souls from the Destroyer of Worlds
Then why does his heart still cream? Rise and speak."
I couldn't save her, I know she will die
But please, if I could only tell her goodbye
All I want is just one more day
that morning in May...

I've fought reptilian monsters
I've crossed a bloody sea
just to meet you here
and now I'm coming home, my dear
The light is warm, outside at dawn
The garden has no weeds, no gave beneath the tree
Through the silent house, my love after all
Curled up in a ball, there you are.

Part IV: Morning in May

Your socks on the wood floor
The moment I'd hoped for
I'm terrified to think you might be real.

I curl up behind you
fit my body to yours like a shell
I smell your hair, oh love, I can't believe you
I squeeze you to make sure you're really here
and I'm overwhelmed.

I've been waiting for so long
to touch you and sleep in your arms
And now as my heart's beating so hard
I hold on and keep you at home in my arms.

They tried to console me
but you're all the consolation I ever needed
years of smelling the clothes your left behind
The photographs that seemed so far away
I don't need them now - you turn to me
alive, awake and blinking, baby
"Back so soon?" you ask, but I smile
'cause I never left at all.

I've been waiting for so long to touch you and sleep in your arms
And now as my heart's beating so hard
I hold on and keep you at home in my arms.

You check the clock, it's time to go
you grab your keys and you're out the door
I step outside and you're waving goodbye
It's all happening again like before
as you're starting the car and I'm tearing inside
I knock on your window, you stop just in time
Around to the other side
I say, "Baby, I thought I'd come along for the ride."

I've been waiting for so long
(Time slows and I take your hand)
to touch you and sleep in your eyes
(I hold you as we lose control)
Together our hearts beating so hard
Hold on, baby, we're almost home...

Questions

So Ludo is going to have a live webchat tomorrow, and I've submitted the following questions:

"But just to be safe...

Just how much of a nerd would you say that you are?

Star Wars or Star Trek?

If you were to find Narnia in your wardrobe, would you visit often or just live there instead?

What is the question for the answer to life, the universe, and everything (42)?

Would you play a concert out in space with radio transmitters (since sound does not travel in outer space due to the lack of particles of matter of any kind to transmit such vibrations)?

Organ Repo Man: would you do it?

Serenade me on my birthday (May 12)?

Andrew, just why are you so awesome? Hehe.

Take pictures with me at the show tonight (Monday) ? =]




And to answer Shwoky's question, cuz I'm such a math nerd, the limit does not exist. =]
But if you separate it into "What is the limit as x approaches 4 from the left of (2x-1)/(x-4)?" and "What is the limit as x approaches 4 from the right of (2x-1)/(x-4)?" the answers are 7 and -7, respectively.

Please don't hurt me for cheating!

*shields self protectively*"

If you want to watch the webchat (which you totally should!) just log onto www.ludorock.com tomorrow at 2 PM EST.

You won't regret it, I promise!

Ludo!

Not very meaningful

I was just sitting here, waiting for the rest of my Dexter episode to load, when for some reason, I have no idea why the thought ever even occurred to me, but I decided to look over my should and out the window.

I'm rather glad that I did, because I saw this:



It seriously took my breath away.

I ♥ New York.

Decision '08

So just about two minutes ago, there was a knock on my door.

My suitemate brought me the mail.

I glanced at it. "How boring..." I thought.

A $3.00 rebate check from Staples...

Some thing about Study Abroad...

(My roommate got one, too)

So I put that on her desk.

TV Guide...

(Which I don't know why I'm getting it, since I don't even own a television set)

Some thing from the International Society of Poets or something like that.

(A poem that I wrote is being published in an anthology. Apparently I'm in the finals. I don't know why. I didn't even put that much effort into it. I just wrote down what I was thinking at the time. If writing what I think is what gets me awards, this should be an award-winning blog. Makes sense, don't ya think?)

And then I see something that made me literally jump up and down from the excitement...

It was for me.

It was from the Registrar of Voters in Riverside, CA.

Official Election Mail Authorized by the U.S. Postal Service

and right in the center of the front of the envelope, outlined in a black box, it read:

"OFFICIAL BALLOT ENCLOSED - ADDRESSEE OPEN IMMEDIATELY"

I got so excited, that I think my heart actually stopped beating for a second. I then proceeded to jump up and down and bounce around.

Seriously. It was enthralling.

It'll be very exciting to finally have my voice heard and my vote count for the very first time.

What's even better is that this was the year that I turned 18 and am finally able to vote. That's just awesome because I do believe that this is the most important election ever in the history of Our Great Nation.

I mean, we're in the middle of several foreign policy conflicts, the entire world economy is dwindling, and we're having a presidential race like none before...

No matter which party wins, it will definitely be a changed government once the president-elect is inaugurated in January.

I'm pretty confident that my party will win, because while our candidate may not be perfect, he is smart and has decent plans for the country. That and once you see who the opposition has chosen for vice, it's pretty to see that my guy and his VP are definitely the lesser of two evils.

BARACK THE VOTE.

Crazy!

So recently I've discovered a new love:
Showtime's acclaimed series, Dexter

This guy is amazing:



I mean, forensics specialist in blood spatter with the Miami Metro PD Homicide Division by day, a vengeful serial killer by night.

He's hollow, empty, emotionless, only pretends to live like everyday people, he doesn't understand what can motivate them to care about others and why they experience things other than rage. He kills not because there are people out there who should be exterminated, but because that's who he is and he cannot seem to stop. At least that's how it is by the beginning of the second season, so if you've seen more recent episodes, don't tell me what happens! Or I'll kill you.

=]

Living a Fairy Tale

As I was walking back to my dorm from Weinstein, just now, right as I cross Washington Square West, I realized: I'm living in a fairy tale.

Well, not exactly. There are no talking animals, elves, witches, fairy godmothers, or anything like that, at least not off Broadway.

What I mean is that living and going to school in Manhattan feels so surreal...
I have moved before, but the transition was never quite so grand, because I was still in Southern California and I still mainly saw the same people every day.

But this...

This is incredible.



I've done something that many people only dream about: I've dropped everything and left everyone I knew behind and moved to the other side of the country to the most cosmopolitan city in the world: Great New York, New York.

No friends, no family, no steady source of income, no boundaries, no restrictions, and no end to the great variety of possibilities and opportunities available to me here.

I can truly become who I want and what I want. Never before have I had so much freedom in life before.

It feels much more like a neverending vacation than a life-altering choice. I think it's the vacation aspect that keeps me from missing my home, friends, and family.

The only person I really miss is my boyfriend, sometimes more than others. At the worst, I miss him because I want to be with him and I really wish that he could be here; at the best, I barely miss him at all, although I still think about him, since I know that I'll have the rest of my life to spend with him, so a couple months doesn't seem so bad.

Today's our 11-month anniversary. It really sucks that we won't be able to celebrate our first anniversary together, but we'll be okay since we can still talk or text or chat and also because we both know that there'll be plenty of others to celebrate later on. ♥

Wow.

So when I still had my iPod, I downloaded a lot of music off of Limewire. I loved that thing. It was how I discovered new artists and kept track of those that I already liked.
Anywho, I would listen to my entire System of a Down playlist every single day. I knew all of the songs. The slower ones bored me, of course, but they were still equally appreciated because of by whom it was performed.

Then my iPod went missing
And music would fade from my life for a few months...

One day when I was driving to Vector, I turned on the radio and heard a song that I really liked. It was called "Love Me Dead," but I had absolutely NO idea who sang it. I would forget about it by the end of the drive, and it wouldn't bother me anymore.
But it was difficult to forget this particular song, since I would hear it EVERY SINGLE TIME I drove.
So one day, I decide to look up the song on YouTube and stumbled upon the official music video by Ludo. I've been a fan ever since then. I purchased their newest album and friended them on MySpace. haha. I introduced them to several friends, who thought they were weird, but good. Which is awesome. Because it's true.

I watched theludotoothbrushthing, which I enjoyed. Especially Andrew's video. I love that man. He's so goofy, yet refined. And that voice...

Anywho, I even joined the Lu-Dojo. I am currently at the grasshopper level. That's fun.
I've actually purchased a ticket to the show at which they'll be playing at the Knitting Factory here in New York. The great thing is that it only cost me about $15 and it's only a few block south of here. And, This Providence is also playing, which is great, because my roommate loves them and we're both going. I think a few of her friends are going as well, which is great, because I don't know that many people out here yet. Not any that I'm really friends with, besides Kate, but she's always so busy with her Ed Theatre classes, that I hardly ever get to see her.
It's sad, really, since we have so much in common.

Anyway, my point is that I have fallen in love with Andrew Volpe. I am sooo going to stand right in front of him at the show. =]

So yeah. I decided to check out the other videos that they have recorded. "Hum Along" is good, but I really like "Good Will Hunting By Myself." The best part is his rant that goes to the last chorus of the song and the completely random on-camera interactions are a close second.

So I ordered their self-titled album as well as their EP, Broken Bride. I've decided that I prefer the latter, and that it is actually their best work, in my not-so-humble opinion.
My favorite track is "Pt. III: The Lamb and the Dragon." It is just chock full of awesomeness, and would be oober fun to play on Guitar Hero. =]

I hope it's included in the game sometime soon. That would be great.

I'm actually listening to the track at this very moment and it makes me very happy. =]

I can't wait to see them!

I ♥ Andrew.

Stars

I actually wrote this a couple weeks ago.
Just figured that I'd post it up here.




Fabulous New York, New York.
The city that never sleeps.
The light pollution is amazing.
Seriously.
When I first got here, there would be an orange glow in the sky at night.
It was seriously that bad.
I think it was the humidity.

I love the stars in the night sky...
Even though I was usually more of an inside dweller, I loved to go out at night and sit on the driveway so that I could just look up into the night sky and look at the stars.
I loved nights when the moon was full and it lit up the Earth in just the right way;
I would dance in it.
I always had a fondness toward it.

Because, the moon goes through its cycles:
It starts as a small sliver, then grows,
Brighter and more beautiful each and every night
Until it reaches its peak, when it shines nice and bright and full.
Then it slowly dies
Into nothingness.
Just like everything that lives.

Just like me.

But it was the stars that comforted me.
They were the constant in the night sky, never changing.
Sure, they rotate.
But so slowly that you never really notice it.
They never did much to light up the Earth.
But that didn't matter, because they were always THERE.
The stars are the one constant in the night sky,
What I could always depend upon to find whenever
I needed to take a break and just look up.

But here in New York,
They are rare.

It started out like any other night;
Full of light and life,
And I was alone.
That's something that I've gotten used to being lately.
It wasn't cold, the air conditioner was broken.
It had actually burst into flames,
But that's another story for another day...

I'm not really sure exactly why I had looked out the window.
I suppose that I just needed to get a good look
At just one of my reasons that I felt the need
To leave my love behind, more than 3,000 miles away.

I looked around at all the buildings with their many lights.
I just love the architecture here in the city.
Skyscrapers and other such tall, bright buildings comfort me.
I'm not sure why.

So I looked up at the dark sky, expecting that to be all that I saw.

But then I saw them.
The lights in the sky.
Planes? was my initial thought.
And yes, there were two.
They slowly centimetered across the sky.
But the rest...
They were stationary.

Stars!
Real live fusing gas ball
STARS!
It was incredible.
I just could not believe my eyes.
I was in complete and utter awe.
It was insane.
I should not have been so surprised that
My beloved stars still existed even though I could not see them.

It wasn't until then that I realized how
Incomplete the sky was without them.

Stars!
Can you believe it?!

Sure, there weren't that many;
But they were still THERE.

The Joker? Yes.

I'd never been a fan of Heath's, so let me have you know that my attraction to the Joker has absolutely NOTHING to do with who was underneath the makeup (and the clothes).


I have always been fascinated by characters who were a little "off" and find a bit of insanity as a rather desirable trait since I do fancy myself as being someone who could easily be prone to sociopathic, um, tendencies. Or perhaps I'd be better classified as psychopathic.
I honestly feel like a ticking time bomb, and what does the display say after reaching 00:00:00?
HA:HA:HA.

So for such a vast amount of thoughts and beliefs that are just NOT the norm and ungoverned by any rules whatsoever...It gets me quite hot, it does.


HA:HA:HA.


Wow, I'm a nerd.


Anyway, yes. Portraying Harley Quinn would be dream role as I find the nature of her character so incredibly fascinating. I mean, the fact that she turned to a life of crime simply because she is so deathly in love with such a troubled man...That's hot. And the way that she'll get so mad at him when he hurts her yet is so automatically forgiving once he apologizes, I can totally see where she's coming from as I am in a similar situation. Haha. I would just love to be her.

Besides, she's short, like me, so that's a plus! 5'3", woot! Haha!

Guess who'll be having fun this Halloween?

Don't look at me like I'm...*crazy*...



WhY So sEri0us?

Who is this Michael Phelps fellow?

With all the publicity he's receiving due to his recent success in Beijing as well as his history in Athens, I'd be extremely surprised, nay, shocked to hear of anyone who didn't know the answer to the above question. He is the object of the affection of many a fangirl and graces the pages of many popular magazines. Yes, I must say that I was a part of that panting, drooling, swooning mob of teenage girls when our great Team USA was competing in Athens. Now I've gotten four more years of life experience, have grown a lot, am still only five years younger (and a foot shorter) than Mr. Phelps, and am now legal. So Mr. Phelps can go ahead and give me a call if he would like ;) but I must say that it could never develop into anything too intimate due to the fact that I've already found my love. (Squishy!<3)

Anyway, to answer the question for which this blog has been named:

Other than the most winningest athlete in the history of EVER, he is an eating machine.

He consumes a daily caloric intake of 12,000 calories! I barely eat ten percent of that. Just what does he eat to get all that energy? Here's a list of what he typically eats in just one day:

Breakfast: Three fried-egg sandwiches loaded with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions and mayonnaise. Two cups of coffee. One five-egg omelet. One bowl of grits. Three slices of French toast topped with powdered sugar. Three chocolate-chip pancakes.

Lunch: One pound of enriched pasta. Two large ham and cheese sandwiches with mayo on white bread. Energy drinks packing 1,000 calories.

Dinner: One pound of pasta. An entire pizza. More energy drinks.

One of his meals alone would be enough to sustain me for two days. Except the energy drinks. I don't do those.

Also, is it just me, or does a bit of facial hair add a good degree of sexiness to a man? I mean, just look at the difference:



I found this to be the case, as well, with Robert Downey Jr.:



Cuz honestly, the man has a goofy-looking face, but the hair covers it up nicely.

Wow.

So I've recently discovered the Twilight saga by bestselling author, Stephenie Meyer.

Actually, I didn't just discover it, rather than gotten around to actually reading it. I'd always seen Twilight on the shelf in the Young Adult section of my local bookstore, and the simple cover (two extended arms with the hands clutching an rather delicious-looking apple) had always piqued my interest (plus, I liked the font in which the title was printed), I had just never bothered to open it up and see what it was all about. At this point, I wish that I had, because I've been missing out.

Apart from that, my awareness of the series was heightened by the fact that it was present all around me: the amount of flair on Facebook relating to Twilight was astounding, I saw the first teaser trailer when I went to see "Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull" with my boyfriend. It was funny, because he uses the "Pieces of Flare1" application on Facebook, too, and he leaned over and asked me, "Is that the guy everyone's talking about? I can see why they like him." I, of course, agreed (Robert Pattinson? Ooh!). Then there was the fact that a friend of mine began reading the series a couple weeks later.

Sure, all that occurred before the school year was over, yet it wasn't until last Monday that I actually bought the first two books and sat down to find out why they were of great appeal to such a vast number of readers around the globe. I wasn't in a rush to begin reading, so I didn't start until after I was absolutely bored at home with nothing better to do. After reading just the first couple pages, I found it incredibly hard to stop; it was like a drug. An incredibly potent, highly addictive drug that filled your mind with such wonderful thoughts and images that were so pleasant and real that it actually filtrated down into the very core of your being; right into your soul.

Then something incredible happened: In less than only 25 minutes, I had fallen in love with Edward Cullen. I had known that literature was strong and powerful, but I'd had no idea that it was this powerful, to affect someone so much in such a short period of time.

Just how enchanted was I? I'd only begun reading at 6 o'clock and was enjoying myself so much, that I only paused when my phone rang...at 10:45 at night! I simply could not believe how quickly the time had passed. Wow.
Then there's also the fact that it not only consumed my time, but affected me in a depeer manner.

Just how did it affect me? After reading Bella's reaction to Edward's leaving her in New Moon only two days later (I had to stop reading at that point because I had to get to the office for a meeting), I found myself falling into a state of depression, simply because I wondered what I would and how I would feel if my boyfriend left me in the same manner, or if I were to leave him (since I have to, what with me going to school in New York in the fall, and all) like that, too. It was almost heartbreaking, which is a great accomplishment for me, since I've never really fancied myself as the type of person who could fall in love and have their heart broken, since you'd need to have a heart in order for that to occur. I was absolutely amazed.

I must say that I'm glad that Bella had a friend like Jacob to help her keep her sanity (somewhat) while Edward was gone and that I wish I were able to trust someone the way that she trusts him. I'm also glad that he was able to be such a great space heater in Eclipse. It's always good to see some jealousy, to make sure that the spark's alive and the fire's still burning passionately. Hell, I do that to my boyfriend all the time! Not as much as I used to, though. I'll take the fact that I stopped needing such reasurrance as pos[itive].

At this point, I'm sure you would agree that it is absolutely not an exaggeration for me to say that reading Twilight has changed my life. I sure it's changed me for the better.

Thank you, Stephenie Meyer. I am in great debt to you.

And, yes. Yes, I have pre-ordered a copy of Breaking Dawn already. =]